


For the best.

by jeffdachi



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 21:03:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17332316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeffdachi/pseuds/jeffdachi
Summary: “This was for the best, for her and for me.”





	For the best.

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

 

 

Jiwoo sat up, suddenly feeling the tears she thought were gone come back. Her eyes stung so she shut them as she realized this was it. She spoke her mind out loud, and there was no turning back. She didn’t want this conversation to happen, but she did. She wanted this scenario to happen many, many times since they started dating. She knew even before then that this relationship was going to be bad. She knew all of this and still chose to push those feelings aside and move forward with her. Any pain she feels now is 100% due to her own doing and there was no denying that.

 

 

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Jungeun. Jungeun has been nothing but the sweetest, best girlfriend she’s ever had. Jungeun has shown time and time again that she loves Jiwoo, and cares deeply about her. Everyone who knew Jungeun was happy for Jiwoo, they would tell her how much Jungeun loved her. Everyone who ever met Jungeun would talk about how wonderful and kind she was, how Jiwoo must’ve found the perfect person. But of course Jungeun wasn’t perfect, no one was. She had her flaws just as everyone else did, but that’s not why Jiwoo wants to break up with her.

 

 

“What are you talking about? What do you mean?”

 

 

She’s confused, no doubt. To her, nothing was wrong in their relationship. They loved each other, were comfortable with each other, communicated well with one another. Or so she thought.

 

 

“I’m so sorry, I just... I can’t. It hurts too much.”

 

 

“Hey, babe please look at me, talk to me. What are you saying?” Jungeun has now joined Jiwoo in crying, wondering what’s happening, how did they get here, why does the girl she loves wants to end this.

 

 

By now Jiwoo can’t speak, nothing but her weeps fill the air as she wraps her arms around herself. She didn’t know what hurts more, being with Jungeun or breaking up with her. She loves her, there’s no question about it. She has never been happier when she’s with her. The way Jungeun makes her feel, the way she looks at her, the way she talks to her, everything has only made Jiwoo fall deeper in love. But the harder she falls, the more scared she gets, the more painful it becomes. She’s too scared of getting hurt, scared that she love Jungeun way more than Jungeun loves her. Scared that Jungeun will realize she’s not worth loving and leave. Scared that Jungeun will get bored of her and no longer want to be with her. Scared that Jungeun is still in love with her longtime ex.

 

 

It’s definitely her insecurity that’s causing her all this pain, but the past year of being with Jungeun, she’s had this dark thought in the back of her mind that Jungeun was still in love with Haseul, and that she will eventually leave her for her. Jungeun and Haseul dated for years, 7 years to be exact, before breaking up. Haseul was Jungeun first and only girlfriend until Jiwoo. Jiwoo does not know why they broke up, thinking it’s not her business to ask, and that it’s in the past anyways. But because she doesn’t know, her mind creates all the reasons for her, and that alone makes her paranoid. What if they broke up because Haseul moved? What if Haseul cheated on her? What if Jungeun cheated? She didn’t know if it was one-sided or mutual, and that scares her. The fact that she met and dated Jungeun only a couple of month after their breakup did not help Jiwoo’s paranoia.

 

 

All the thoughts raided her mind every time she thought of Jungeun. Her heart would feel as though it was bursting whenever Jungeun would write her a letter, or say “I love you”. It just wasn’t in a good way. It was a painful feeling, one she wanted to avoid at all cost. She would plead to the sky to let Jungeun leave her, to hurry up and break her heart, so she can move on from the constant pain. She hated how untrusting she would get, and how much she desired to leave this relationship. And that is exactly why she wants to leave.

 

 

Jungeun deserves none of that. She doesn’t deserve to be viewed as untrustworthy when she hasn’t done anything to show she is. She doesn’t deserve someone who forces themselves to not love her when she’s constantly giving her heart. She doesn’t deserve someone who is so broken that she can’t even see Jungeun as the amazing person she is. Jungeun doesn’t deserve it, she deserves someone who will love her wholeheartedly. Someone who isn’t afraid to show it to her. Someone who will treat her like the Princess she is. Jiwoo may want to be that person, but she just can’t. Maybe its being with Jungeun, maybe it’s her own problems. Or maybe, just maybe, she’s not meant to be in love.

 

 

“Jiwoo, please I need you to talk to me,” Jungeun begs, trying to hold Jiwoo in her arms, but Jiwoo just scoots away, afraid that if she gets in her arms, she won’t go through with it.

 

“Jungeun, I-I love you. Really, I do... but...” she pauses, unable to find the words to say. She makes the brave decision to look up at Jungeun and her heart shattered to see the state she was in. Jungeun eyes were puffy, the tears not stopping as she looks lost, hurt, confused. She never wanted to hurt her, and yet, here she is, doing exactly that. All the more fueling her decision to leave.

 

 

“I’m... I’m so so sorry. You really are the best thing to ever happen to me. Bu-but I just... I can’t keep doing this. It’s going to sound cliche, but... it’s not you, it’s me. It hurts to love you. It hurts because I-I don’t... deserve your love. I feel like I’m drowning, it’s suffocating... and it’s all my fault. Please know, you are the most wonderful person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. But I cannot continue doing this. I’m sorry.”

 

 

Jungeun listened and every word was like a spear being shot through her heart. How could she not see how upset Jiwoo was? Why did she not pay attention enough? She never felt so guilty, thinking she was the reason why Jiwoo was hurting, was leaving.

 

 

“Baby please, I-I please Jiwoo... we can talk, you don’t know how much I love you. Please... don’t leave, I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you fe-“

 

 

“No Jungeun, don’t say sorry. It’s not you. It’s never been you,” Jiwoo interrupted, unable to stand Jungeun apologizing,”This is my own personal problem. I’m sorry, but I’m going to go, I... I love you, so much.”

 

 

“Wait! No! Jiwoo PLEASE!” Jungeun called out, rushing after Jiwoo who hastily got up to leave, completely ignoring Jungeun’s cries. And just like that, she left.

 

 

She ignored the calls, didn’t read the messages, even got her mom to make excuses at the door. She avoided all the spots she knew she would go, and cut off communication with any mutual friends they had.

 

 

“This was for the best, for _her_ and for me.”

 

 

She believed this pain would be temporary for both, that one day, it will all stop, and they will have both moved on. However, when the calls stopped, and the pestering ceased, her pain did not. Jiwoo continued to feel devastated with her choice, and as time went on, she realized, what she felt when she was with her was nothing compared to how she feels now.

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS FOR READING idk there’s something refreshing about angst so i wrote another one. :>


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